How My Mother Ended Up With (at least) Two STEM Daughters
In 1982, my mother received a master's degree in civil engineering. When I was little, I don't think I realized all the implications of that. Sure, I thought it was cool, but in my mind it was no more cool than my dad having a master's in physics. Then when I was older, I started to think about it. Women didn't get master's degrees in engineering in 1982. Now that I'm in my twenties, I have happened upon an interesting realization: my mother was a feminist.
Not in the normal way. My mother is shy, quiet, and would really rather just be left to her own devices. She does not take her sense of self-worth from outside herself and she honestly couldn't care less what anyone thinks of her. People say that they don't care, but for my mom, it's actually true. But my mother is a feminist in that she will do what she wants to do. To summarize a description of my mom from one of her sisters, "Amy was always the smart one. And you could never tell her what she could or couldn't do. If she wanted to do it, she would find a way." In that way, my mother was a feminist. (Note: She also gave up her engineering career to raise kids and says she hasn't regretted it one day).
My mother told me that in the early 80s, she was sent into high schools to try and convince girls to go into STEM fields. Eventually she started refusing to do it. Why? Was it not important to her anymore? Surely not. She was a female engineer. She stopped going because she realized that girls didn't want to go into engineering as much as boys did. Why should we force someone to do something that they don't want to do--or even convince them they want to do something that they don't want to do--in the name of equality?
And yet, even though my mother adamantly did not push STEM upon young girls, she ended up with STEM daughters. My oldest sister, Carol, is a stay-at-home mom now, but she was a middle school science teacher. The next oldest, Beth, is also a stay-at-home mom. Beth's the least STEM-y of us. She graduated in psychology, but now does a lot of web design/woodworking. So she still has a STEM streak. I am a medical lab scientist. Sarah is fifteen and hasn't chosen her career, but she could be a STEM (I see it in her).
My mother didn't force us to play with engineering toys. She didn't take away our dolls. She didn't insist upon science fairs or anything like that. My mother did one amazing thing: Whatever we wanted to do, she supported it. She supported Beth's cake decorating and sculpting, because she loved it. She knew I loved writing, and told me about NaNoWriMo. It was always about what we wanted. There was no pushing to STEM, nor was there pushing away from it. She just let us do what we loved. I ended up loving medicine and lab work. Carol ended up loving biology, and earth science, and teaching. Beth ended up not loving a strictly-STEM field. And that was just as okay with my mom. Sarah has talked about majoring in theatre or music. And my mother is okay with that too.
The key to my mother's STEM daughters was not in opening our horizons to STEM. It was just letting us know that any and all avenues were open to us. The world was our oyster, and whatever horizons we wanted opened, weren't closed. I firmly believe that Carol and I chose to go to STEM fields of our own volition. And I firmly believe that Beth went to a non-STEM field of her own volition. And that, my friends, is the key to STEM. My mother didn't do anything to end up with (at least) two STEM daughters. And that, ironically, is what she did to end up with (at least) two STEM daughters.
Side note: Interestingly, that's how she ended up with her STEM sons as well (If geo-spatial intelligence is STEM...I think it is. If not, then one STEM son and one not-STEM son).
Not in the normal way. My mother is shy, quiet, and would really rather just be left to her own devices. She does not take her sense of self-worth from outside herself and she honestly couldn't care less what anyone thinks of her. People say that they don't care, but for my mom, it's actually true. But my mother is a feminist in that she will do what she wants to do. To summarize a description of my mom from one of her sisters, "Amy was always the smart one. And you could never tell her what she could or couldn't do. If she wanted to do it, she would find a way." In that way, my mother was a feminist. (Note: She also gave up her engineering career to raise kids and says she hasn't regretted it one day).
My mother told me that in the early 80s, she was sent into high schools to try and convince girls to go into STEM fields. Eventually she started refusing to do it. Why? Was it not important to her anymore? Surely not. She was a female engineer. She stopped going because she realized that girls didn't want to go into engineering as much as boys did. Why should we force someone to do something that they don't want to do--or even convince them they want to do something that they don't want to do--in the name of equality?
And yet, even though my mother adamantly did not push STEM upon young girls, she ended up with STEM daughters. My oldest sister, Carol, is a stay-at-home mom now, but she was a middle school science teacher. The next oldest, Beth, is also a stay-at-home mom. Beth's the least STEM-y of us. She graduated in psychology, but now does a lot of web design/woodworking. So she still has a STEM streak. I am a medical lab scientist. Sarah is fifteen and hasn't chosen her career, but she could be a STEM (I see it in her).
My mother didn't force us to play with engineering toys. She didn't take away our dolls. She didn't insist upon science fairs or anything like that. My mother did one amazing thing: Whatever we wanted to do, she supported it. She supported Beth's cake decorating and sculpting, because she loved it. She knew I loved writing, and told me about NaNoWriMo. It was always about what we wanted. There was no pushing to STEM, nor was there pushing away from it. She just let us do what we loved. I ended up loving medicine and lab work. Carol ended up loving biology, and earth science, and teaching. Beth ended up not loving a strictly-STEM field. And that was just as okay with my mom. Sarah has talked about majoring in theatre or music. And my mother is okay with that too.
The key to my mother's STEM daughters was not in opening our horizons to STEM. It was just letting us know that any and all avenues were open to us. The world was our oyster, and whatever horizons we wanted opened, weren't closed. I firmly believe that Carol and I chose to go to STEM fields of our own volition. And I firmly believe that Beth went to a non-STEM field of her own volition. And that, my friends, is the key to STEM. My mother didn't do anything to end up with (at least) two STEM daughters. And that, ironically, is what she did to end up with (at least) two STEM daughters.
Side note: Interestingly, that's how she ended up with her STEM sons as well (If geo-spatial intelligence is STEM...I think it is. If not, then one STEM son and one not-STEM son).
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