Don't Expect June Cleaver. But we're still expecting Mr. Darcy
Warning: This post has masculist tendencies. If you are one of the people who this seems to upset, read no further.
As I implied, I am a masculist. This means that I believe that feminism has made so much progress that we're coming around the other side and starting to discriminate against men. There have been many recent studies that find that men are less likely to graduate college than women. Studies have shown that if a male child and a female child misbehave in the same way, teachers are more likely to notice the male, and if they do notice the girl, she is less likely to receive as harsh a punishment as the boy. Violence towards and belittling of men is common in commercials and entertainment. When these things are practiced towards women in entertainment, it's to paint the character as disgusting or evil. When it's practiced towards men, it's set in humor. In a custody battle, women are more likely to obtain custody, even when the father is more fit as a parent. The idea that women commit suicide more than men is erroneous. Many people say, "More women try, more men succeed." It is true that more men succeed, because they use more lethal means; but men and women attempt suicide almost equally.
But let's talk about one aspect of it. I'm sure if you've talked to a feminist recently, you've heard about how we need to end the idealization of women. Men can't expect their wives to be pretty, cook an entire roast every night, treat the children with patient, loving compassion every minute of every day, and then still be in the mood for love that night. Don't expect June Cleaver.
However, the media still tells us that we deserve Mr. Darcy. Someone whose hair is always perfect even after he just worked out, has never had a cavity in his life, loves kids, makes you romantic dinners all the time, understands your feelings and your needs, has money and accepts that you're not June Cleaver.
Is there a disconnect here? My roommates are constantly trying to hook me onto one TV show or another. Sometimes they stick, sometimes they don't, and they always get frustrated that even if they stick, I wait until it comes to hulu and watch it on my time, and never watch it on TV with them. But, one that is their current mission is "The Mindy Project." This is a 30-minute comedy written by some former The Office writers. Instead of a paper company, it takes place in a OB/GYN office. This does enable them to say a lot more words that wouldn't be okay in other settings, but it's actually one of the cleaner comedies on TV these days. They had an episode where the entire premise directly and full-on attacked holistic/voodoo medicine ("I'm not saying you're stupid. I am saying that denying your child Western Medicine is stupid."), and I was ready to declare it my favorite show ever there and then. But, there's something that bothers me. The main character is Mindy, who is one of the doctors in the show. She is the woman to whom all women are supposed to relate. She is successful, and has a few pounds to lose, can be out of sorts, and crazy at times, and not in the mood for anything. She can be rude and selfish, and sometimes, she doesn't want to be happy. She is telling the world that women are who women are. And you can't expect that from a woman.
But, the main love interest, Danny, is a Mr. Darcy in a lot of ways. Sure he can be somewhat coarse, and doesn't have the best social skills. But, when all is said and done, he is smart, and sensitive, and kind, and beautiful, and probably makes some good money (he's a doctor, too), and basically is gorgeous in every way. And he's expected to accept the very imperfect woman that Mindy is and be happy with it.
Why can a good man not expect a good woman? In general, on movies and TV shows and pop culture today, I feel that she doesn't deserve that guy. And that means that we will get a great guy, even if we aren't a great woman. I once suggested to my Laurel class after our weekly list of things we wanted in a man, that we should make a list of what that man would ever marry, and then try to be that. I was met with a lot of hostility. But I stand by it. If we want a Mr. Darcy, you have to be a woman that he would ever "prevail himself upon to marry."
As I implied, I am a masculist. This means that I believe that feminism has made so much progress that we're coming around the other side and starting to discriminate against men. There have been many recent studies that find that men are less likely to graduate college than women. Studies have shown that if a male child and a female child misbehave in the same way, teachers are more likely to notice the male, and if they do notice the girl, she is less likely to receive as harsh a punishment as the boy. Violence towards and belittling of men is common in commercials and entertainment. When these things are practiced towards women in entertainment, it's to paint the character as disgusting or evil. When it's practiced towards men, it's set in humor. In a custody battle, women are more likely to obtain custody, even when the father is more fit as a parent. The idea that women commit suicide more than men is erroneous. Many people say, "More women try, more men succeed." It is true that more men succeed, because they use more lethal means; but men and women attempt suicide almost equally.
But let's talk about one aspect of it. I'm sure if you've talked to a feminist recently, you've heard about how we need to end the idealization of women. Men can't expect their wives to be pretty, cook an entire roast every night, treat the children with patient, loving compassion every minute of every day, and then still be in the mood for love that night. Don't expect June Cleaver.
However, the media still tells us that we deserve Mr. Darcy. Someone whose hair is always perfect even after he just worked out, has never had a cavity in his life, loves kids, makes you romantic dinners all the time, understands your feelings and your needs, has money and accepts that you're not June Cleaver.
Is there a disconnect here? My roommates are constantly trying to hook me onto one TV show or another. Sometimes they stick, sometimes they don't, and they always get frustrated that even if they stick, I wait until it comes to hulu and watch it on my time, and never watch it on TV with them. But, one that is their current mission is "The Mindy Project." This is a 30-minute comedy written by some former The Office writers. Instead of a paper company, it takes place in a OB/GYN office. This does enable them to say a lot more words that wouldn't be okay in other settings, but it's actually one of the cleaner comedies on TV these days. They had an episode where the entire premise directly and full-on attacked holistic/voodoo medicine ("I'm not saying you're stupid. I am saying that denying your child Western Medicine is stupid."), and I was ready to declare it my favorite show ever there and then. But, there's something that bothers me. The main character is Mindy, who is one of the doctors in the show. She is the woman to whom all women are supposed to relate. She is successful, and has a few pounds to lose, can be out of sorts, and crazy at times, and not in the mood for anything. She can be rude and selfish, and sometimes, she doesn't want to be happy. She is telling the world that women are who women are. And you can't expect that from a woman.
But, the main love interest, Danny, is a Mr. Darcy in a lot of ways. Sure he can be somewhat coarse, and doesn't have the best social skills. But, when all is said and done, he is smart, and sensitive, and kind, and beautiful, and probably makes some good money (he's a doctor, too), and basically is gorgeous in every way. And he's expected to accept the very imperfect woman that Mindy is and be happy with it.
Why can a good man not expect a good woman? In general, on movies and TV shows and pop culture today, I feel that she doesn't deserve that guy. And that means that we will get a great guy, even if we aren't a great woman. I once suggested to my Laurel class after our weekly list of things we wanted in a man, that we should make a list of what that man would ever marry, and then try to be that. I was met with a lot of hostility. But I stand by it. If we want a Mr. Darcy, you have to be a woman that he would ever "prevail himself upon to marry."
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