Sticks and Stones
In today's world, we have two new ideas, which are somewhat contradictory. Firstly, we have come to say that we shouldn't care what other people expect--that you just need to be true to yourself. On this element, it's a fallacy. We can't go around being loyal and true to no one but ourselves. That's not how the term "society" functions. Secondly, we have come to a place in the culture where, even though you're true to no one but yourself, what other people say seems to matter. If someone commits suicide after being bullied, it is the bully's fault. I'm not saying it's completed the bully-ee's fault. I answer a suicide hotline, and I realize that these people that call are not completely in control of their thoughts, emotions and actions. However, I am saying that it isn't the bully's fault. As I said, I answer suicide hotlines. I have never once had someone call up the line and say that they are contemplating suicide because of any one thing that anyone else said--usually (not always), all their "motivations" have absolutely nothing to do with anyone else on the face of the planet. The people that make this argument probably have never dealt with a true suicide situation in their lives if they think that one comment becomes the sole motivation for suicide.
These ideas are contradictory. For some reason, we shouldn't care about anyone else's expectations, desires, needs, wants or hopes for us. But any criticism that is made hurts to the core. In fact, they say that the "sticks and stones" saying is not true.
This all came home to roost this past week. In Greece, NY (a suburb of Rochester, NY and not too far from where we live), a 60-year-old (plus) bus monitor was bullied by four-or-so middle schoolers on a bus. She was called fat, told that these students wouldn't want to live if they were her family, and repeatedly bullied for being elderly. Another student caught this whole exchange on their cell phone (why a middle schooler has a cell phone anyways is another day, another post), and then posted it on the internet. The woman has been on Good Morning America, and an online campaign to raise her $5000 for a vacation, ended up with over $600K. People continued on and on about how this was terrible, and they really felt for this woman and how she was bullied; they said that these children should be sentenced to extremely exorbitant penalties to pay for the pain they caused her and "ruining her life" (not making that up, caller on the radio, Legends 102.7).
I am not saying that these children shouldn't be punished. They definitely should. Their behavior was not acceptable, and that needs to be addressed. However, this woman's life wasn't ruined, and if it was, she needs an adjustment. She's a bus monitor. Are you telling me that no child ever gave her lip before? And are you telling me that she takes any heed in the disrespectful garbage that comes out of a middle-schooler's mouth. I am a nanny. I have been told before, "I wish you weren't my nanny," or "I don't like you," or "I want you to go away. You're a mean person." Even "You don't care about what I want! You don't care that I don't want to take a nap." Am I going to lose any sleep about these things? No! I am also a camp counselor. I have never really been told anything that bad there, but I do have the policy that I am not their friend. I am their counselor. If they end up thinking of me as a friend on top of being a role model and an adult to guide and help them, then that's just icing on the cake. But anyone who deals with children everyday should be able to get over what a child says to them. And it seems that this woman has from her responses, but the rest of the world needs to learn that sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you. Especially when they're coming out of a snotty, thirteen-year-old mouth.
These ideas are contradictory. For some reason, we shouldn't care about anyone else's expectations, desires, needs, wants or hopes for us. But any criticism that is made hurts to the core. In fact, they say that the "sticks and stones" saying is not true.
This all came home to roost this past week. In Greece, NY (a suburb of Rochester, NY and not too far from where we live), a 60-year-old (plus) bus monitor was bullied by four-or-so middle schoolers on a bus. She was called fat, told that these students wouldn't want to live if they were her family, and repeatedly bullied for being elderly. Another student caught this whole exchange on their cell phone (why a middle schooler has a cell phone anyways is another day, another post), and then posted it on the internet. The woman has been on Good Morning America, and an online campaign to raise her $5000 for a vacation, ended up with over $600K. People continued on and on about how this was terrible, and they really felt for this woman and how she was bullied; they said that these children should be sentenced to extremely exorbitant penalties to pay for the pain they caused her and "ruining her life" (not making that up, caller on the radio, Legends 102.7).
I am not saying that these children shouldn't be punished. They definitely should. Their behavior was not acceptable, and that needs to be addressed. However, this woman's life wasn't ruined, and if it was, she needs an adjustment. She's a bus monitor. Are you telling me that no child ever gave her lip before? And are you telling me that she takes any heed in the disrespectful garbage that comes out of a middle-schooler's mouth. I am a nanny. I have been told before, "I wish you weren't my nanny," or "I don't like you," or "I want you to go away. You're a mean person." Even "You don't care about what I want! You don't care that I don't want to take a nap." Am I going to lose any sleep about these things? No! I am also a camp counselor. I have never really been told anything that bad there, but I do have the policy that I am not their friend. I am their counselor. If they end up thinking of me as a friend on top of being a role model and an adult to guide and help them, then that's just icing on the cake. But anyone who deals with children everyday should be able to get over what a child says to them. And it seems that this woman has from her responses, but the rest of the world needs to learn that sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you. Especially when they're coming out of a snotty, thirteen-year-old mouth.
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