Hannah the Gender Lorax
Today's post will be a little bit more serious than usual. Some parts of this topic may not be completely suitable to very young children.
With that scary disclaimer (and I'm not going to go R-rated on you all, don't worry), I'm going to talk about something that I am passionate about. But whenever I get passionate about it, a lot of people I know roll their eyes, because they feel attacked. I don't want to be aggressive, but sometimes you have to say things that people don't like. And this is one of those topics.
The other day, I was at work in the breakroom. Two other people were in the breakroom as well. One of them said, "Did you read this article about what this woman did to her husband for cheating?" I actually had read that news article. Let's just summarize quickly (and this is the part that is not completely suitable for children): She put a combination of habanero oil and cayenne pepper in his condoms. It resulted in extremely serious chemical burns to a certain area of his body. The person explained it to the third person in the room, and then summarized, "That's awesome!"
I know; I shouldn't have said anything. But they always say, "You think you would have stood up to slavery," and I like to think I would have. That's why I said something.
I said, not looking up from my food, "No. It's terrible. It's exactly the same concept as men beating their wives almost to death for disobeying them in the Middle Ages, and we now say that's wrong."
"He deserved it," she protested.
"That's what men said in the Middle Ages."
She rolled her eyes at me and said, "I'm not going to argue with you." (Probably because she knew I was right)
The third person in the room tried to release the tension by saying with a laugh, "Men are jerks."
That was not a good thing to say. "No," I replied evenly. "Men are people. Some of them are jerks, just like some women are jerks. But men are people."
Now, I'm not saying that it was okay for this man to cheat. This man probably really was a jerk. But that doesn't give you call to burn him in mucosal membrane areas. What has happened to society? When did it become okay to treat men like animals?
I have often had to call people out for bad-mouthing their husbands, boyfriends, fiances, etc to their friends. I once pointed to a man in the room who was married and said, "Can he say that about his wife? Or would that be abusive?" They floundered a bit, before silencing themselves.
I was in the Phoenix airport about a month ago when a women started to verbally abuse a male family member very, very loudly for the entire gate area to hear. I thought at first that it was her husband, but realized later that it was her brother-in-law. First of all, I don't think that my sisters would let me talk to their husbands that way at all. But the level of abuse and how publicly it was being done was disgusting. She said, for everyone to here, "You're worthless." She sarcastically said, "Father of the Year over there." She said, "He don't do [crude word for dung]." In front of the entire gate area, including his children. It continued with greater and greater abuse. I (being the self-proclaimed Gender Lorax) said to the person next to me, "What do you think people would be doing right now, if that was a man saying that to a woman?"
She said, "It would be on the news. He might get arrested."
"This is really wrong."
"Oh thank you. I thought I was the only one uncomfortable about this."
I regret not confronting that woman. But, it's true. How many people would have stepped in if the genders were reversed?
What has happened to us? When did we decide that men could be used, abused, berated and destroyed? How come rape and sexual assault is the worst thing a man could ever do in a movie or tv show, but when a man is being sexually assaulted, it's played for laughs (don't believe me, I have a collection of clips that I keep to illustrate this point)? I was watching a tv show the other day on hulu, and a character who was a villain was presented with the opportunity to take sexual advantage of a woman that he desired. The writers didn't even go there with this character who already was a villain. Even he refused, on grounds that she wasn't in her right mind. Because rapists in television can have no redeeming qualities, and they didn't want a main character to be taken down that path. But women who press men? Women who take advantage of men? Women stripping men (I'm not kidding)? Women forcing themselves on men? It's played for laughs. How wrong is that?
I speak for the men, because if they try to speak for themselves, they are silenced. But men are people. They are not animals, or objects, or just jerks. They are people. And they deserve to be treated like people.
With that scary disclaimer (and I'm not going to go R-rated on you all, don't worry), I'm going to talk about something that I am passionate about. But whenever I get passionate about it, a lot of people I know roll their eyes, because they feel attacked. I don't want to be aggressive, but sometimes you have to say things that people don't like. And this is one of those topics.
The other day, I was at work in the breakroom. Two other people were in the breakroom as well. One of them said, "Did you read this article about what this woman did to her husband for cheating?" I actually had read that news article. Let's just summarize quickly (and this is the part that is not completely suitable for children): She put a combination of habanero oil and cayenne pepper in his condoms. It resulted in extremely serious chemical burns to a certain area of his body. The person explained it to the third person in the room, and then summarized, "That's awesome!"
I know; I shouldn't have said anything. But they always say, "You think you would have stood up to slavery," and I like to think I would have. That's why I said something.
I said, not looking up from my food, "No. It's terrible. It's exactly the same concept as men beating their wives almost to death for disobeying them in the Middle Ages, and we now say that's wrong."
"He deserved it," she protested.
"That's what men said in the Middle Ages."
She rolled her eyes at me and said, "I'm not going to argue with you." (Probably because she knew I was right)
The third person in the room tried to release the tension by saying with a laugh, "Men are jerks."
That was not a good thing to say. "No," I replied evenly. "Men are people. Some of them are jerks, just like some women are jerks. But men are people."
Now, I'm not saying that it was okay for this man to cheat. This man probably really was a jerk. But that doesn't give you call to burn him in mucosal membrane areas. What has happened to society? When did it become okay to treat men like animals?
I have often had to call people out for bad-mouthing their husbands, boyfriends, fiances, etc to their friends. I once pointed to a man in the room who was married and said, "Can he say that about his wife? Or would that be abusive?" They floundered a bit, before silencing themselves.
I was in the Phoenix airport about a month ago when a women started to verbally abuse a male family member very, very loudly for the entire gate area to hear. I thought at first that it was her husband, but realized later that it was her brother-in-law. First of all, I don't think that my sisters would let me talk to their husbands that way at all. But the level of abuse and how publicly it was being done was disgusting. She said, for everyone to here, "You're worthless." She sarcastically said, "Father of the Year over there." She said, "He don't do [crude word for dung]." In front of the entire gate area, including his children. It continued with greater and greater abuse. I (being the self-proclaimed Gender Lorax) said to the person next to me, "What do you think people would be doing right now, if that was a man saying that to a woman?"
She said, "It would be on the news. He might get arrested."
"This is really wrong."
"Oh thank you. I thought I was the only one uncomfortable about this."
I regret not confronting that woman. But, it's true. How many people would have stepped in if the genders were reversed?
What has happened to us? When did we decide that men could be used, abused, berated and destroyed? How come rape and sexual assault is the worst thing a man could ever do in a movie or tv show, but when a man is being sexually assaulted, it's played for laughs (don't believe me, I have a collection of clips that I keep to illustrate this point)? I was watching a tv show the other day on hulu, and a character who was a villain was presented with the opportunity to take sexual advantage of a woman that he desired. The writers didn't even go there with this character who already was a villain. Even he refused, on grounds that she wasn't in her right mind. Because rapists in television can have no redeeming qualities, and they didn't want a main character to be taken down that path. But women who press men? Women who take advantage of men? Women stripping men (I'm not kidding)? Women forcing themselves on men? It's played for laughs. How wrong is that?
I speak for the men, because if they try to speak for themselves, they are silenced. But men are people. They are not animals, or objects, or just jerks. They are people. And they deserve to be treated like people.
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