Really? Just After Father's Day?
I have a streak of Pixar freak in me. Maybe that's why I don't like it when this guy writes about Pixar. I didn't really enjoy the "All Pixar Movies are Related" Theory, and the "Emily is Andy's Mom" Theory was even worse, in my opinion. But I just moved along. If other people thought theyw ere fun, who was I to judge. But with his latest Pixar Theory, "Andy's Dad was a Deadbeat," I cannot remain silent. Mostly because on its tail is a huge rush of hailing single mothers. And I have a problem with that. Because fathers are not worthless.
First of all, all Pixar animators involved have neither discounted nor confirmed the theory. They just said the truth. Humans were expensive to animate at the time of the first Toy Story, and Andy's Dad wasn't really relevant to the story of Andy's toys. So, they made his mother single. They've even said that you can decide whatever you want. In my mind, Andy's dad died shortly before the start of the first movie. Their evidence that he didn't doesn't hold water. Sure, Molly is young. So? Sure there are no family pictures. Sure his mother doesn't wear a wedding ring. But people grieve differently from each other. I have a widowed aunt who I didn't even realize was ever married for the first ten years of my life. Doesn't really mean anything. Maybe she took of her ring because it was too painful to look at. And if you had a grieving one-year-old and eight-year-old (guessing ages) would you really want to hang shrines to their father all over the house? Besides, my evidence? The only toy that Andy originally plans to take with him to college is Woody. We know that Woody belonged to Andy's father (according to the animators) and that's how it fell into Andy's possession. I think that Andy was taking Woody to college to remind him of his father.
But here's the real problem. Fathers have value. As much as commercials make them into doofuses and feminists make them extraneous, they are not. I can find you slews of evidence on it. Just go google it. Why do we go on and on about Mother's, but relegate fathers to the category of sperm donor?
Here's the thing. I'm a masculinist (opposite of a feminist--though I'm kind of one of those, too). I don't like the way women talk about their husbands at Relief Society activities. If a man talked about his wife that way, we would all call him out for domestic abuse. When I worked on a crisis line, we got male victims of domestic violence too. The difference was that most of the phone call was consumed with trying to get him to realize that what he was experiencing was in fact abuse, and that it wasn't unmanly to seek out help, and that it wasn't his fault, and that it was not okay for his wife to do those things. With the females, there was some recognition that needed to be done, but it was usually denial. Not actual ignorance that they were being abused. The laws are currently written to not protect male victims of abuse. In some states, male rape doesn't even exist. While I worked on the crisis line, federal law was rewritten so that there was such a thing as male rape. Prior to that, you could not prosecute someone for raping a male on the federal level. It was thrown into the category of "sodomy," and that's not as severe a charge.
If two people go to court about custody of a child, the mother gets benefit of the doubt, even if the father is a better parent. Unless the dad can prove the mom is a terrible parent, the mom is getting the kids. I remember this struck me especially hard when there was a case a few years back. A man and woman had a baby while they were wild teenagers. Years later, the father had pulled his life together, the mother had not. The father lived in one of the Carolinas (don't remember which) with his wife and four other kids. They had a loving, upper-middleclass home. He had two college degrees and a steady job. The mother lived in Salt Lake City with a constantly changed stream of boyfriends of varying abuse levels. She did not even have a high school diploma if I remember correctly, worked at an unstable slew of grocery stores and gas stations. At the end of each summer stay with her dad, the little girl would beg and plead to not go back to her mom's. She felt loved and cared for with her dad. At her mom's she was ignored and her mom's newest boyfriend was more important than she was. But each time the father (and his wife) tried to get sole custody, he couldn't because he was the dad and not the mom. This little girl died when her mother's boyfriend put her in a closet and didn't let her out for several days. This story has haunted me for a long time.
Studies find that the number one difference between boys with father involvement and those without is a lack behavioral problems. The number one difference between girls with father involvement and those without is decreased incidence of mental illness and psychological imbalance. These differences continue into adulthood.
Dr. Stephen Green gave these twenty reasons why fathers are important. Listen up:
1. Lets your child know that you love him or her. Love is more than just saying, I love you. It is equally important to spend time doing things together. Children who feel loved are more likely to develop a strong emotional bond with their father and a healthy self-esteem.
2. Provides your child with greater financial resources. Research shows that families with an active father are usually better off financially. Their children are more likely to have access to resources that support healthy development, such as food, clothing, shelter and quality medical care.
3. Provides your child with a positive male role model. Children, regardless of gender, need positive male and female role models in their lives. Involved fathers promote positive behaviours by setting a proper example for their children.
4. Provides your children with emotional support. Children need emotional support from their parents. It is important that fathers listen and support their children when they experience joy, sadness, fear and frustration. When fathers support their children emotionally, their children are more in tune with the needs of others.
5. Enhances your child's self-esteem. Children tend to be happier and more confident when their fathers are actively involved in their lives.
6. Enhances your child's intellectual development. Children who are raised with actively involved fathers tend to score higher on measures of verbal and mathematical ability, and also demonstrate greater problem-solving and social skills.
7. Provides your child with guidance and discipline. Active fathers play an important role in teaching their children proper behavior by setting and enforcing healthy limits.
8. Gives your child someone to play with. One of the best ways for fathers to bond with their children is through play. Researchers say there are definite differences in the ways father and mothers play with their children. Fathers tend to use a more physical style of play that benefits children in many ways, including enhanced cognitive ability.
9. Provides your child with someone to talk to when they have questions. Involved fathers can be valuable sources of information for children who are seeking answers to life's important questions.
10. Increases your child's chances for academic success. Involved fathers support their children's academic success, and the benefits appear to extend even into adulthood.
11. Provides your child with an alternative perspective on life. Research suggests men and women often differ in their parenting styles. It can be healthy for children to be exposed to different perspectives on life.
12. Lowers your child's chances for early sexual activity. Children with actively involved fathers are less likely to engage in early sexual activity, thus reducing the chances of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
13. Lowers your child's chances for school failure. Children are less likely to drop out of school when their fathers are involved.
14. Lowers your child's chances for youth suicide. Children with actively involved fathers are less likely to commit suicide than children with uninvolved fathers.
15. Lowers your child's chances for juvenile delinquency. The benefits of having an active father in the early years extend into the teen years. Children with active fathers are less likely to commit juvenile crimes.
16. Lowers your child's chances for adult criminality. The chances your child will commit crimes as an adult also diminish when he grows up with an actively involved father.
17. Provides your child with a sense of physical and emotionally security. When fathers are involved, children develop a sense of security (emotionally and physically). A trust relationship is developed and the child does not have to worry about being abandoned.
18. Facilitates your child's moral development. Children need a moral compass to guide them when they face difficult moral issues. Fathers, like mothers, help children to develop a sense of right and wrong that serves as a foundation for establishing moral character.
19. Promotes a healthy gender identity in your child. Boys and girls benefit from having healthy role models of both sexes. Research points out that mothers and fathers socialize their children in different ways. Fathers can help their children, especially boys, develop a healthy sense of what it means to be male.
20. Helps your child learn important life skills. Most of the essential life skills children will need to survive are learned in the home. Fathers have a unique opportunity to teach their children valuable skills that will enable them to grow up to be healthy and productive adults.
So there you go. Fathers matter. Fathers have always fascinated me, and I'm sure if my novels are ever published, people will start to notice that because a lot of my stories, father relationships are explored.
And now, to show you how awesome my daddy is, here you go!
First of all, all Pixar animators involved have neither discounted nor confirmed the theory. They just said the truth. Humans were expensive to animate at the time of the first Toy Story, and Andy's Dad wasn't really relevant to the story of Andy's toys. So, they made his mother single. They've even said that you can decide whatever you want. In my mind, Andy's dad died shortly before the start of the first movie. Their evidence that he didn't doesn't hold water. Sure, Molly is young. So? Sure there are no family pictures. Sure his mother doesn't wear a wedding ring. But people grieve differently from each other. I have a widowed aunt who I didn't even realize was ever married for the first ten years of my life. Doesn't really mean anything. Maybe she took of her ring because it was too painful to look at. And if you had a grieving one-year-old and eight-year-old (guessing ages) would you really want to hang shrines to their father all over the house? Besides, my evidence? The only toy that Andy originally plans to take with him to college is Woody. We know that Woody belonged to Andy's father (according to the animators) and that's how it fell into Andy's possession. I think that Andy was taking Woody to college to remind him of his father.
But here's the real problem. Fathers have value. As much as commercials make them into doofuses and feminists make them extraneous, they are not. I can find you slews of evidence on it. Just go google it. Why do we go on and on about Mother's, but relegate fathers to the category of sperm donor?
Here's the thing. I'm a masculinist (opposite of a feminist--though I'm kind of one of those, too). I don't like the way women talk about their husbands at Relief Society activities. If a man talked about his wife that way, we would all call him out for domestic abuse. When I worked on a crisis line, we got male victims of domestic violence too. The difference was that most of the phone call was consumed with trying to get him to realize that what he was experiencing was in fact abuse, and that it wasn't unmanly to seek out help, and that it wasn't his fault, and that it was not okay for his wife to do those things. With the females, there was some recognition that needed to be done, but it was usually denial. Not actual ignorance that they were being abused. The laws are currently written to not protect male victims of abuse. In some states, male rape doesn't even exist. While I worked on the crisis line, federal law was rewritten so that there was such a thing as male rape. Prior to that, you could not prosecute someone for raping a male on the federal level. It was thrown into the category of "sodomy," and that's not as severe a charge.
If two people go to court about custody of a child, the mother gets benefit of the doubt, even if the father is a better parent. Unless the dad can prove the mom is a terrible parent, the mom is getting the kids. I remember this struck me especially hard when there was a case a few years back. A man and woman had a baby while they were wild teenagers. Years later, the father had pulled his life together, the mother had not. The father lived in one of the Carolinas (don't remember which) with his wife and four other kids. They had a loving, upper-middleclass home. He had two college degrees and a steady job. The mother lived in Salt Lake City with a constantly changed stream of boyfriends of varying abuse levels. She did not even have a high school diploma if I remember correctly, worked at an unstable slew of grocery stores and gas stations. At the end of each summer stay with her dad, the little girl would beg and plead to not go back to her mom's. She felt loved and cared for with her dad. At her mom's she was ignored and her mom's newest boyfriend was more important than she was. But each time the father (and his wife) tried to get sole custody, he couldn't because he was the dad and not the mom. This little girl died when her mother's boyfriend put her in a closet and didn't let her out for several days. This story has haunted me for a long time.
Studies find that the number one difference between boys with father involvement and those without is a lack behavioral problems. The number one difference between girls with father involvement and those without is decreased incidence of mental illness and psychological imbalance. These differences continue into adulthood.
Dr. Stephen Green gave these twenty reasons why fathers are important. Listen up:
1. Lets your child know that you love him or her. Love is more than just saying, I love you. It is equally important to spend time doing things together. Children who feel loved are more likely to develop a strong emotional bond with their father and a healthy self-esteem.
2. Provides your child with greater financial resources. Research shows that families with an active father are usually better off financially. Their children are more likely to have access to resources that support healthy development, such as food, clothing, shelter and quality medical care.
3. Provides your child with a positive male role model. Children, regardless of gender, need positive male and female role models in their lives. Involved fathers promote positive behaviours by setting a proper example for their children.
4. Provides your children with emotional support. Children need emotional support from their parents. It is important that fathers listen and support their children when they experience joy, sadness, fear and frustration. When fathers support their children emotionally, their children are more in tune with the needs of others.
5. Enhances your child's self-esteem. Children tend to be happier and more confident when their fathers are actively involved in their lives.
6. Enhances your child's intellectual development. Children who are raised with actively involved fathers tend to score higher on measures of verbal and mathematical ability, and also demonstrate greater problem-solving and social skills.
7. Provides your child with guidance and discipline. Active fathers play an important role in teaching their children proper behavior by setting and enforcing healthy limits.
8. Gives your child someone to play with. One of the best ways for fathers to bond with their children is through play. Researchers say there are definite differences in the ways father and mothers play with their children. Fathers tend to use a more physical style of play that benefits children in many ways, including enhanced cognitive ability.
9. Provides your child with someone to talk to when they have questions. Involved fathers can be valuable sources of information for children who are seeking answers to life's important questions.
10. Increases your child's chances for academic success. Involved fathers support their children's academic success, and the benefits appear to extend even into adulthood.
11. Provides your child with an alternative perspective on life. Research suggests men and women often differ in their parenting styles. It can be healthy for children to be exposed to different perspectives on life.
12. Lowers your child's chances for early sexual activity. Children with actively involved fathers are less likely to engage in early sexual activity, thus reducing the chances of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
13. Lowers your child's chances for school failure. Children are less likely to drop out of school when their fathers are involved.
14. Lowers your child's chances for youth suicide. Children with actively involved fathers are less likely to commit suicide than children with uninvolved fathers.
15. Lowers your child's chances for juvenile delinquency. The benefits of having an active father in the early years extend into the teen years. Children with active fathers are less likely to commit juvenile crimes.
16. Lowers your child's chances for adult criminality. The chances your child will commit crimes as an adult also diminish when he grows up with an actively involved father.
17. Provides your child with a sense of physical and emotionally security. When fathers are involved, children develop a sense of security (emotionally and physically). A trust relationship is developed and the child does not have to worry about being abandoned.
18. Facilitates your child's moral development. Children need a moral compass to guide them when they face difficult moral issues. Fathers, like mothers, help children to develop a sense of right and wrong that serves as a foundation for establishing moral character.
19. Promotes a healthy gender identity in your child. Boys and girls benefit from having healthy role models of both sexes. Research points out that mothers and fathers socialize their children in different ways. Fathers can help their children, especially boys, develop a healthy sense of what it means to be male.
20. Helps your child learn important life skills. Most of the essential life skills children will need to survive are learned in the home. Fathers have a unique opportunity to teach their children valuable skills that will enable them to grow up to be healthy and productive adults.
So there you go. Fathers matter. Fathers have always fascinated me, and I'm sure if my novels are ever published, people will start to notice that because a lot of my stories, father relationships are explored.
And now, to show you how awesome my daddy is, here you go!
And last but not least, this picture that I just love. This is my sister's wedding day, after the sealing ceremony before the family luncheon thing. And my dad looks like he's about to murder her new husband for kissing his little girl.
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