My Experiment Into New-Age
About a week ago, I was having a discussion with a friend. One thing that you have to know about some of my friends. Being a Mormon, I have many Mormon friends. And as much as I love Mormonism, there is an unfortunately large swath of Granola people in Mormonism. The Church officially embraces science, and there are a lot of Mormon scientists (in fact the Quorum of the Twelve apostles includes retired medical researchers, physicists and nuclear engineers). And The Pew Forum has found that Mormonism is a rare religion in that as its members become more educated, they become more religiously active. The Church has repeatedly endorsed modern medicine and vaccines, and funds a fair bit of science research through Brigham Young University. All of this aside, there is a disturbingly large group of Mormons who love their essential oils, gluten-free or paleo diets, and shun vaccines. This is actually a fascinating historical question having to do with Thomsonian Medicine, Joseph Smith and Alvin Smith. But we will save that for another day and continue with my friend.
She keeps telling me that I should do this cleanse or that cleanse or eat yoga mats or whatever. Okay, she's never told me to eat a yoga mat. But it's that sort of stuff. She kept on telling me that I needed to do a three-day fruit and veggie cleanse. I told her that fruit-veggie cleanse isn't a thing. She told me that my organs needed sometime to recover from all the toxins in the American diet and environment. I told her that I have approximately two organs whose main purpose is to purge me of aforementioned toxins in the environment, and two organs whose secondary purpose is to purge me of aforementioned toxins (specifically liver and kidney for the former, and intestines and sweat glands for the latter). She said that I needed to stimulate them. I said they were very functional on their own, thank you. She said that I couldn't say that it wasn't a thing until I tried it.
So, I agreed to try it. I said I would fruit-veggie cleanse. What this means is eating nothing but fruit and vegetables, and drinking only water (or herbal tea).
Ecstatic, she proposed that I was going to be doing a thirty day cleanse. I told her that she was crazy. So, that was reset to three days. Which I reset to approximately 1.5. But we'll get there.
A quick run-down:
Thursday I considered starting, but decided not to.
Friday I decide to start. I go to the lab, armed with watermelon, cherries, strawberries, kiwi, bell peppers, carrots and cucumbers. When department meeting involves free pizza, the Friday start date is changed to Saturday. Because I'm a grad student, and turning down free pizza is an abomination. So, Saturday! (Though in my defense, I technically started as soon as the pizza was done).
I start the day with carrots and watermelon for breakfast. My hamster, Helix, even though it is her sleeping time, promptly gets out of her burrow to beg for some of my breakfast as soon as she smells it. I'm telling you this animal loves nothing on this planet more than carrots and watermelon. So, she got some too. John and I went to the zoo, so I brought a tomato, a pear, some radishes and some broccoli. After walking all over the Cincinnati Zoo, I go home. Where I explain to John that I love fruits and vegetables, but because I know I can't have something else, I am resenting their presence. I stare at my spear of broccoli with hate in my eyes. Because it is keeping me from other foods. Even if I wouldn't have eaten them, this is all broccoli's fault.
I continue the day with more watermelon and carrots. And a lot of water. And then the side effects hit.
The internet claims that these side effects are the toxins leaving my body. That my body is like a dusty old house in that cleaning out the dust, the house gets uncomfortably dusty. We'll talk later about what this actually is, because that is all malarkey. I have had food poisoning before. That's what this nausea was like. I WANTED to vomit, because then maybe I'd get some kind of relief. Unfortunately, vomiting was not in the cards, but you know what was? Brain fog like I haven't experienced since I had a concussion. And a splitting headache. But this is all the toxins leaving my body, right?
Wrong. But we'll get there later.
I know exactly what this is and realize that the chancing of me dying from this are slim to none, so I stick it out. I promised to give it a chance, didn't I? So I pressed on. Banana "ice cream" (frozen bananas blended into a ice cream consistency, something I already loved) didn't solve my issue. But I pressed on. I was in such a brain fog that I couldn't concentrate on my writing I wanted to do, the camp planning I was hoping to get done or even the book I need to read for Thursday's book club. All I could think about was how terribly awful I felt.
This fruit-veggie purge also included 98 oz of water per day. I have these little spurts where I try to remember to drink water and then I drink tons of water. But 98 oz is a lot of water, folks. On Saturday, I gained 7 lbs of water weight, folks (before going down to -2 of my beginning of the day weight, some of which is also probably water weight, and also the fact that people weigh different things at different times of the day). There was a lot of peeing.
Saturday night, I watched a truly awful movie on Amazon Prime before calling it a night. I woke up the next morning fully refreshed and clear-headed. I was even social before church! I had a great time in primary. I even had so much energy that I bordered on hyper throughout choir practice. Then, I got home, and John and I did nothing for awhile. Learned that he thinks Aerosmith sang House of the Rising Sun. Dude, I love you, but we need to work on your music literacy. Though I was starting to have a slight headache, things were going well overall. Then I made dinner for a sick family in the ward. It was going great. Then the nausea came back to accompany the headache. The internet says these "toxin purging" symptoms can last for up to a week. And you know what? A week? Ain't nobody got time for that! I have a seven-hour ELISA procedure to perform tomorrow. So, I decided that I was going to say that I was purged, and made myself a nice serving of couscous and declared the fruit and veggie cleanse complete.
Yes, the couscous was delicious, thank you.
To recap:
The positive1) I did feel very clear and energetic this morning. I'm not going to say that this was caused by my purging on Saturday, but it could be. There could also be the fact that I hadn't eaten a bunch of crud on Saturday night, so I felt good.
2) I did technically lose about 3 pounds, but I don't know if that will stay that way. Note also that this could be in part because it is nigh impossible to rack up any substantial number of calories with radishes. But we will get to that later.
3) A reminder of how much I love banana "ice cream."
4) I actually get satisfaction from a smaller amount of carbs now, I think.
The negative1) I felt a loathing for fruits and vegetables that is really quite new to me. I love eating plants, but these made it feel like a punishment. I had no choice but to eat them
2) All of Saturday afternoon. Just...all of it.
To the science part!
So what was this terrible illness? Well, folks, it's called keto flu. I knew it as soon as a smelled my pee. Yes, I'm a registered medical lab scientist, and I can discover a lot about you from your pee. I started feeling sick. I wasn't sure what was going on necessarily. And then I smelled my pee. It smelled like the pee of the epileptic kids we were sending onto the ketogenic diet. It smelled like nail polish remover. Then, I checked my urine by dipstick. (Okay, so I bought some Multistix on Amazon and have them under my bathroom sink. What of it?) Yep, ketone positive (but not glucose positive, so no, I don't have diabetes). So, what is this?
The ketogenic diet people know all about keto flu. They say that it's your body going through withdrawals from its carb addiction. I mean, that's technically true, but not in the same way that people have alcohol or heroin withdrawals. More in the way that suffocation victims have oxygen withdrawal symptoms, or people who die in the desert have water withdrawal symptoms. Let's start at square one.
Your body uses glucose as an energy source. Except for when it can't. Then it uses all its glycogen (which it turns into glucose). When that is gone, it starts using fat. The breakdown product of fat that the body is going to use is ketone bodies. The ketone bodies will be changed to Acetyl-CoA where they can then feed into the Krebs Cycle (Citric Acid Cycle). Here's the catch. The brain is a spoiled rotten brat, and throws a temper tantrum if its supposed to be using ketone bodies. I mean...a royal fit. It pretty much refuses. Eventually, the body can change stuff back to glucose, but in the meantime, the brain is kicking and screaming.
So yes, keto flu is carb withdrawal. Where your brain is actually starving for a period of time.
Why did this happen to me? Fruits and vegetables have carbs, right? True, but this actually goes back to our calorie problem.
I had been keeping track of calories. I do anyways, because I'm trying to be a good girl and eat a reasonable amount of food. I forget. So, I know that was 1300 calories short of breaking caloric even on Wednesday (Irish dance practice...sorry), I was 1000 short on Thursday too. And then on Saturday, partly from the fruit-veggie fest, partly from the walking around the zoo for 2.5 hours, I was upwards to 1700 calories short.
So, I quit this craziness.
Is there any scientific evidence for purging? No.
Did it make a miserable Saturday and part of a Sunday? Yep (Other than the zoo, that was fun).
But Hannah, you say. You can't blame the fruit and veggie purge for the fact that you are a chronic undereater. Fair enough. But do you know how many radishes you have to eat before you've eaten just 1 calorie? I rest my case.
That couscous tasted fantastic. I even made it with some butter.
She keeps telling me that I should do this cleanse or that cleanse or eat yoga mats or whatever. Okay, she's never told me to eat a yoga mat. But it's that sort of stuff. She kept on telling me that I needed to do a three-day fruit and veggie cleanse. I told her that fruit-veggie cleanse isn't a thing. She told me that my organs needed sometime to recover from all the toxins in the American diet and environment. I told her that I have approximately two organs whose main purpose is to purge me of aforementioned toxins in the environment, and two organs whose secondary purpose is to purge me of aforementioned toxins (specifically liver and kidney for the former, and intestines and sweat glands for the latter). She said that I needed to stimulate them. I said they were very functional on their own, thank you. She said that I couldn't say that it wasn't a thing until I tried it.
So, I agreed to try it. I said I would fruit-veggie cleanse. What this means is eating nothing but fruit and vegetables, and drinking only water (or herbal tea).
Ecstatic, she proposed that I was going to be doing a thirty day cleanse. I told her that she was crazy. So, that was reset to three days. Which I reset to approximately 1.5. But we'll get there.
A quick run-down:
Thursday I considered starting, but decided not to.
Friday I decide to start. I go to the lab, armed with watermelon, cherries, strawberries, kiwi, bell peppers, carrots and cucumbers. When department meeting involves free pizza, the Friday start date is changed to Saturday. Because I'm a grad student, and turning down free pizza is an abomination. So, Saturday! (Though in my defense, I technically started as soon as the pizza was done).
I start the day with carrots and watermelon for breakfast. My hamster, Helix, even though it is her sleeping time, promptly gets out of her burrow to beg for some of my breakfast as soon as she smells it. I'm telling you this animal loves nothing on this planet more than carrots and watermelon. So, she got some too. John and I went to the zoo, so I brought a tomato, a pear, some radishes and some broccoli. After walking all over the Cincinnati Zoo, I go home. Where I explain to John that I love fruits and vegetables, but because I know I can't have something else, I am resenting their presence. I stare at my spear of broccoli with hate in my eyes. Because it is keeping me from other foods. Even if I wouldn't have eaten them, this is all broccoli's fault.
I continue the day with more watermelon and carrots. And a lot of water. And then the side effects hit.
The internet claims that these side effects are the toxins leaving my body. That my body is like a dusty old house in that cleaning out the dust, the house gets uncomfortably dusty. We'll talk later about what this actually is, because that is all malarkey. I have had food poisoning before. That's what this nausea was like. I WANTED to vomit, because then maybe I'd get some kind of relief. Unfortunately, vomiting was not in the cards, but you know what was? Brain fog like I haven't experienced since I had a concussion. And a splitting headache. But this is all the toxins leaving my body, right?
Wrong. But we'll get there later.
I know exactly what this is and realize that the chancing of me dying from this are slim to none, so I stick it out. I promised to give it a chance, didn't I? So I pressed on. Banana "ice cream" (frozen bananas blended into a ice cream consistency, something I already loved) didn't solve my issue. But I pressed on. I was in such a brain fog that I couldn't concentrate on my writing I wanted to do, the camp planning I was hoping to get done or even the book I need to read for Thursday's book club. All I could think about was how terribly awful I felt.
This fruit-veggie purge also included 98 oz of water per day. I have these little spurts where I try to remember to drink water and then I drink tons of water. But 98 oz is a lot of water, folks. On Saturday, I gained 7 lbs of water weight, folks (before going down to -2 of my beginning of the day weight, some of which is also probably water weight, and also the fact that people weigh different things at different times of the day). There was a lot of peeing.
Saturday night, I watched a truly awful movie on Amazon Prime before calling it a night. I woke up the next morning fully refreshed and clear-headed. I was even social before church! I had a great time in primary. I even had so much energy that I bordered on hyper throughout choir practice. Then, I got home, and John and I did nothing for awhile. Learned that he thinks Aerosmith sang House of the Rising Sun. Dude, I love you, but we need to work on your music literacy. Though I was starting to have a slight headache, things were going well overall. Then I made dinner for a sick family in the ward. It was going great. Then the nausea came back to accompany the headache. The internet says these "toxin purging" symptoms can last for up to a week. And you know what? A week? Ain't nobody got time for that! I have a seven-hour ELISA procedure to perform tomorrow. So, I decided that I was going to say that I was purged, and made myself a nice serving of couscous and declared the fruit and veggie cleanse complete.
Yes, the couscous was delicious, thank you.
To recap:
The positive1) I did feel very clear and energetic this morning. I'm not going to say that this was caused by my purging on Saturday, but it could be. There could also be the fact that I hadn't eaten a bunch of crud on Saturday night, so I felt good.
2) I did technically lose about 3 pounds, but I don't know if that will stay that way. Note also that this could be in part because it is nigh impossible to rack up any substantial number of calories with radishes. But we will get to that later.
3) A reminder of how much I love banana "ice cream."
4) I actually get satisfaction from a smaller amount of carbs now, I think.
The negative1) I felt a loathing for fruits and vegetables that is really quite new to me. I love eating plants, but these made it feel like a punishment. I had no choice but to eat them
2) All of Saturday afternoon. Just...all of it.
To the science part!
So what was this terrible illness? Well, folks, it's called keto flu. I knew it as soon as a smelled my pee. Yes, I'm a registered medical lab scientist, and I can discover a lot about you from your pee. I started feeling sick. I wasn't sure what was going on necessarily. And then I smelled my pee. It smelled like the pee of the epileptic kids we were sending onto the ketogenic diet. It smelled like nail polish remover. Then, I checked my urine by dipstick. (Okay, so I bought some Multistix on Amazon and have them under my bathroom sink. What of it?) Yep, ketone positive (but not glucose positive, so no, I don't have diabetes). So, what is this?
The ketogenic diet people know all about keto flu. They say that it's your body going through withdrawals from its carb addiction. I mean, that's technically true, but not in the same way that people have alcohol or heroin withdrawals. More in the way that suffocation victims have oxygen withdrawal symptoms, or people who die in the desert have water withdrawal symptoms. Let's start at square one.
Your body uses glucose as an energy source. Except for when it can't. Then it uses all its glycogen (which it turns into glucose). When that is gone, it starts using fat. The breakdown product of fat that the body is going to use is ketone bodies. The ketone bodies will be changed to Acetyl-CoA where they can then feed into the Krebs Cycle (Citric Acid Cycle). Here's the catch. The brain is a spoiled rotten brat, and throws a temper tantrum if its supposed to be using ketone bodies. I mean...a royal fit. It pretty much refuses. Eventually, the body can change stuff back to glucose, but in the meantime, the brain is kicking and screaming.
So yes, keto flu is carb withdrawal. Where your brain is actually starving for a period of time.
Why did this happen to me? Fruits and vegetables have carbs, right? True, but this actually goes back to our calorie problem.
I had been keeping track of calories. I do anyways, because I'm trying to be a good girl and eat a reasonable amount of food. I forget. So, I know that was 1300 calories short of breaking caloric even on Wednesday (Irish dance practice...sorry), I was 1000 short on Thursday too. And then on Saturday, partly from the fruit-veggie fest, partly from the walking around the zoo for 2.5 hours, I was upwards to 1700 calories short.
So, I quit this craziness.
Is there any scientific evidence for purging? No.
Did it make a miserable Saturday and part of a Sunday? Yep (Other than the zoo, that was fun).
But Hannah, you say. You can't blame the fruit and veggie purge for the fact that you are a chronic undereater. Fair enough. But do you know how many radishes you have to eat before you've eaten just 1 calorie? I rest my case.
That couscous tasted fantastic. I even made it with some butter.
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